Where Are the Allies?

Due to many circumstances beyond my control, I'm not sure if I will ever get married AND have children.  I'm at a point in my life where I'm through with naming and claiming things just because I have a fleshly desire for them.  I simply want to be wherever and have whatever the Lord wants.

Anyway, if I do end up married with children, I know one thing for sure.  My children will be Black.  I'm not saying I'm not open to an interracial relationship; I'm saying that whether my children are bi-racial or not, society will view them as Black.  Obviously, if their father is also African-American, they will be counted as Black.  But if their father is of a different race, because I am African-American, society will view them as Black.

How can I make such accusations? Case in point, look at our President, Mr. Barack Obama.  He is just as much White as he is Black, yet EVERYONE seems to focus on the fact that he is Black.

All that to say, with my personality, if I do have children, I kind of hope to have boys.  Nothing against girls...I just think I'm better suited to raise boys.

However, in lieu of the George Zimmerman case, I have been thinking more about how much extra responsibility must be instilled in Black boys when raising them.  The case has heightened my awareness of the prevalence of racial profiling and its dangers. We as a nation have to work together to eradicate this as well as other forms of discrimination.  Social justice is not to be championed solely by Blacks and other minorities.  We need everyone to become allies for social justice.

A few weeks ago I looked on my Facebook timeline and saw people from all walks of life band together to put up red equal signs and demand rights for homosexuals: Evangelical, Jewish, Atheist, Straight, LBGTQ, Young, Middle-Aged, Elderly, Black, White, Asian, Arab, Latino, etc. These people wrote how they believed in equal rights and everyone deserved the same opportunities.

But on the evening of the GZ verdict and the Sunday that followed, I found that it was mostly my African-American friends on Facebook and Twitter that seemed to be turning their profiles black and/or talking about the injustice that had been served.  Slowly, I became saddened.

I was confused.  What happened to all of the people that were on the "civil rights" train just a few weeks ago?  What happened to all of these so-called "allies" for social justice?

Perhaps many people know someone who lives a homosexual lifestyle and can relate.  Perhaps fewer individuals have experienced what it is to be Black, particularly a Black male, and the challenges, stereotypes, and grief that can accompany it.  Or perhaps most just don't want to know what it is like; ignorance is bliss.

Many people seem to think that since in 2013 we are no longer (legally) segregated and have President Obama in the White House, the struggle is over.  Unfortunately, as shown by the outcomes of the GZ trial, that is not the case.  Racism persists, just not as blatantly as in the days of our parents and ancestors.

The work of social justice is not for fair-weather fans.  Racism is deeply rooted in the hearts of many Americans, and it will take ALL of us working together to eradicate it.

Play in the Mud: Pure Earth Hair Wash product review

One of my friends likes to try different hair products.  She often gives me the products that don't work out for her.  A few weeks ago I opened a bag from her and found a bottle of mud.  No.  But really.

As I am about trying new things, I was fairly skeptical, but decided to try and keep an open mind.  I mean, I didn't believe in co-washing a couple of years ago, but here I am a faithful co-washer.

So anyway, I tried the Terressentials Organic Pure Earth Hair Wash in the Cool Mint "flavor." (Yes, they are called flavors, not scents.)  This particular flavor REALLY defined my curls and helped me to rock a nice 'fro this week!  The only thing I did not like was that mud got over EVERYTHING!  Mud was dried up on my bathroom mirror, sink, and MY SHIRT!  Hopefully it will wash out easily from my shirt.  I plan to use it again...this time wearing an old shirt ;-)

Just Ask

"Oh I think I see one hiding back there!" I shouted to my friend.  I could see the top of its head peeking out from the back of the highest shelf of the drug store refrigerator.  I wasn't certain that it was the flavor of Faygo pop that I wanted (Red), but I figured it couldn't hurt to reach up there and pull it down just to see.

As I began to reach back in the cooler, I realized that the bottle of pop was a lot farther away than I expected.  I'm 5'9" and have EXTREMELY long arms that have assisted many a "vertically challenged" stranger in stores over the years.  But, here I was in need of getting something off a shelf and there was no one taller than me around.  So, since I couldn't reach it myself from where I was standing, I decided there was only one option:

Climb. In. The. Refrigerator.

Just as I was getting ready to hop on a shelf, a store clerk popped out of nowhere and asked my friend and I what was going on.  When we explained that I was trying to find out if the bottle back there was Faygo Red, he looked at me and said, "We have plenty more in the back.  All you have to do is ask and I can go back there and get it for you."  So I asked if he could get a Faygo Red and also a Rock & Rye, and within minutes he returned with both bottles especially for me.

In that little moment, I heard the Holy Spirit drop two words in my spirit: "just ask."

You see, as an only child and as a teacher, I have spent a lot of my life making things happen on my own.  Even as a kid, I can remember many a time after completing a task and beaming up to my parents, "I did it ALL BY MYSELF."

However, in this season of my life, the Lord is constantly showing me that I am not in this life alone.  I need community/the body.  More importantly, I need to realize that it is He who is the supreme "doer." There are many things that I can accomplish independently but without the Lord's help, there is great struggle.  I believe that this is a season where many of the things I need are already laid up for me; all I have to do is ASK if I want to receive them.  The struggle is over.  I serve a great High Priest and can come boldly before Him to ask for help in time of need.  As The Message Bible states,

Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.  ~ Heb. 4:14-16

Lord, make me not afraid to ask in Your Name.  I accept Your help in time of need.

It's Springing Up-dos!

Last week and this week I decided to do something a little different from my usual two-strand twist styles and flat twists.  I had yarn braids from December-February, and my hair's curl pattern isn't back yet, so I've just washed and blow dried it.  This is the closest to straight my students have ever seen my hair, and they were VERY surprised as to how long it actually is.  It is very thick too; there was a section that I scratched out last winter (it got too dry), but it has grown back nicely.

Last week, I  was inspired by Teyonah Parris' natural updo that gained so much attention.

This week I just decided on going for a simple updo that will protect the ends and be low maintenance.

Natural Living

The longer I wear my hair natural, the more I desire to develop a natural lifestyle.  By this, I mean that being natural is much more than about twisting my hair, following Curly Nikki, and attending natural hair meetings.  It is about making healthy choices for my body that ultimately lead to healthy hair.

Last year, I went to a Naturally Flyy meetup and had a chance to hear Ms. Gwen Jimmere of Naturalicious.net speak about paying attention to the labels of the products we use.  Many items have parabens, which are carcinogenic.

I thought I was all good because the hair products I use, Shea Moisture, are paraben-free.  However, once home, I started reading the labels of my lotion and makeup and realized that they were not.  So in one swift heap, I rid myself of ALL of my precious makeup and lotions.

It was easy to find lotion.  Shea Moisture has many lotions and creams, and I also relied on tubs of shea butter.  The harder part was finding makeup.  Below is the what I found out on my journey.

Burt's Bees Super Glossy Lip Shine -- 2 out of 5 stars
While this product gave me the shine I needed, it didn't really moisturize.  It felt like vaseline or chicken grease on my lips.

Korres Lip Butter and Lip Butter Glaze -- 5 out of 5 stars
I found these products at Sephora and LOVE them!  They are made out of shea butter and rice wax.  My lips feel SO GOOD and soft after application.  And, it looks like "real" makeup!

Gabriel Color Eyeshadow -- 4 out of 5 stars
I purchased this from Whole Foods in the color Navy because they do not make Black.  I actually use a tiny brush and apply it as an eyeliner because it was hard for me to find an actual eyeliner that worked for me.  I like it a lot, just wish it was a little bit darker.

Crown's Royalties. -- 5+ out of 5 stars
Ok y'all, I saved the best for last.  Last year, I had a student in one of my classes whose mom I would run into at natural hair meetings.  It wasn't until halfway through the year that I connected that this lady selling makeup and jewelry at the hair meetings was the mother of my student.  Anyway, all of Ms. Crown's products are handmade and made with LOVE, do you hear me?!?!?  She sells out of her home, vends at different events, and has a website, crownsroyalties.weebly.com  I purchased three eyeshadows from her and have thoroughly enjoyed them.  They last long and look GOOD!

 Getting ready to head out for the first time with my paraben-free makeup!

And The Winner Is...

So, something totally cool & amazing happened to me the other day.  I WON a $1,000 technology grant for my classroom through a local corporation, Bosch.

The company had 15 grants available and picked 15 applicants from my school district.  Thankfully, I was selected!  We had a very nice acceptance ceremony at Bosch that included our superintendent, local congressmen, and the press.

I figured I'd be getting photographed that day, so I wanted a photo-worthy hairstyle.  After looking around Google Image, I decided to do a french roll with my twists.

To learn more about how I created this style, watch my very FIRST youtube tutorial!  I'm very excited.

And Now You Know...

A wise man once said, "Knowing is half the battle."  Sure, that man was GI Joe...but those are still some words of wisdom.

Where have I been for the past 7 months?  Ending a horrific school year.  Planning a class reunion.  Looking for a house.  Starting a terrific new school year.

Although much time has passed, I'm here now.  The past year has taught me a lot, leaving me to feel more knowledgable and more prepared.  It makes me think of one of my former pastor's most quoted Scriptures, "The horse is prepared against the day of battle; but safety is of the Lord," Pro. 21:31.

So what do I know?

• I remembered that the beginning of the school year can be hectic, so to cut down on stress, I made all of my copies and assignments for the start of the 12-13 school year at the end of last school year and just packed it up.  All I had to do at the beginning of this year was focus on the arrangement of my classroom and then take out my copies out of my file cabinet.
• I have kept in mind that this time of year I tend to get overwhelmed, so I have devised some strategies to help me stay sane and at peace.
• I learned that it is better to be single and content than to be in a relationship and unsettled in my spirit.
• I realized that fellowship is important (even though I am introverted), so I joined a young adult women's small group at my mom's church.  I used to have a group of friends my age from my old church, but over time ppl got married and/or moved away.  My current church has a lack of young adults, so it is nice to get together with ppl who are going through some of the same things I am as a young adult woman.
• I have come to understand that every hairstyle ain't for everybody!  My hair seems to do well with two strand twist styles and cornrows.  Bunning and bantu knots only seem to tangle my hair.
• I know that my hair and scalp usually gets really dry in the fall, so I am trying to drink more water and make sure I eat enough fruits and vegetables.  Moisture is key in retaining length.

My cousin would like me to do video tutorials about my hairstyles.  It is a good idea, I just have to figure out where my videocamera will go when I'm trying to do my hair.  In the meantime, here are some pix of hairstyles from the past few months.

This is a braided hawk & pompadour

Front/Side 

Back

 With this style, I french braided two strand twists and then roll-tucked the front

Front/side

Back

My mother & I at a Mother's day luncheon/fashion show at her church

Back to School Style: Coiled front & cornrowed back

Front/Side

Back

Side

Vote to Send Me to Peru!

There is a running joke amongst my friends that I am ALWAYS applying for a grant.  Such is true.


In my latest quest, I am applying for a Travelocity Volunteer Vacation to Cuzco, Peru this summer. Part of the process was to make a video about why I qualify for the grant. There will be 4 winners, and part of the selection is to get as many votes on the video as possible.

Please click the link below to get to my video page on the Travelocity website, and then click the green button under the video to vote for me!  You can vote once every day.  The contest ends at the end of May. 
http://www.volunteerjournals.com/volunteer-travel-grants/entries/send-me-ill-go


Thanks for your help!

Confessions of a Product Junkie

Hi, my name is Kel, & I'm a product junkie.

***HI KEL!***

Y'all, I knew I had a problem, but I didn't think it would ever come to this.

My lease is up in a few months and I plan on purchasing either a house or condo.  I promised my mother that I would spend part of my spring break going through my closets & drawers to find items to purge so that I would have less to pack when I do move.

Getting rid of things is relatively easy for me.  I grew up in a house where if you left something unclaimed for a few days, it WOULD get thrown away because, as my mother STILL quotes to this day, "Material things don't get you to Heaven!"

Anyway, after going through my clothes & books twice (SEVEN bags worth of donations & a trash bag of discards), I decided to tackle the hair collection in my closet.  The last time I moved, I can't remember how many boxes/bags of hair goods I brought with me.  My friends thought it was hilarious.

I took what was in my closet & put it on my full-size bed.  I was embarrassed & appalled to see that my hair products almost filled up my entire bed!

Clearly, there were some painstaking decisions to make.

For instance, my homemade tracks & hair spray. I was the maid of honor in my cousin's wedding a few years ago.  She wanted everyone to wear their hair down, so I had some tracks added that clipped in.  Then I got nervous that the hair wouldn't match my color, so I bought some spray.  My cousin found out about the spray & wouldn't let me use it.

Or what to do about this electric hot comb?  I went to college in Oklahoma, where there was a shortage of Black people, Black hair salons, Black beauty supplies, etc.  I bought this my freshman year of college before I had a car to get off campus & travel to a decent beautician.  Obviously, this is before I decided to go natural.

How could I get rid of this stocking cap?  Don't judge me.  You all KNOW you have a stocking cap made out of one of your mama's (or your own) stockings.

And last but not least, HAIR!  I need to have my own side business slingin' hair!  I got everything!  Afro-kinky! Outre remy! Toyokalon! Brown, black & red!  What do you need?!?!?!?!  I gots it all!

Ok, so clearly it was time to let go of some things, especially since I have not had my hair pressed in over a year & have not had it regularly pressed in about 6 years.  So I said goodbye to my tracks, spray, hotcomb, and a myriad of other things.  Out of all the fake hair, I did keep the afro-kinky, because it matches my current texture & I never know when I am going to need a filler.  I am proud to say though, my collection shrunk significantly.  Woo-saaaahhhh! :-)

Hopefully my mama will be proud!

Justice & Peace

I'll never know what it means to be a Black man in America.

I can sympathize, empathize, and encourage, but I will never know for sure what it's like to be in their shoes.  Sure, I face my share of racism, prejudice, and injustice as a Black woman, but I think my plight is incomparable to that of my African-American brothas.

As a single, Evangelical Christian, natural-haired Black woman with a post-graduate education, I know my own set of statistics and stereotypes.  That I'm militant & no-nonsense.  That I'm uppity.  That I'm too independent.  That I have ridiculously high standards.  That I'm bound to never get married.  And that by chance, if I do end up in a relationship with a Black man, I will end up with a spouse that will cheat, beat, or leave me.

While none of these stereotypes and odds seem favorable, they don't stir-up fear in my counterparts of other races.  Others may pity or "put-up" with me...but they will never fear me.

The other day, I went hiking on a nearby nature trail in my predominately White suburb.  Temperatures had dropped, so I left the house unprepared with only my hood to keep me warm (and it's the only thing that would fit over my twist-out).  As I encountered White faces along the trail, everyone was smiling & friendly.  But I couldn't help but wonder, would I have been treated differently if I were a Black man?

On Monday, many of my African-American students (and I, myself) wore hoodies in Trayvon Martin's honor.  The school policy is that students cannot wear hoods on their heads in the building...but on this day I chose to look away.  A group of students were standing outside my room before school started donning hoods and carrying ice tea and skittles.

One young man, whose father is Black & mother is White, made a noteworthy lament: "Man, I can't do ANYTHING now!  It was bad enough that I can't walk around with my hands in my pockets.  Now I can't wear a hoodie either (without being thought of as suspicious)!"

I didn't say anything, but remembered the conversations my parents would have with me as a child about keeping my hands out of my pockets in any & all stores because they didn't want anyone to accuse me of stealing.  It just didn't "look right," they would say.

It's odd the things that bring out fear and hatred.  It could be a hood or hands in pockets.  It could be a hijab or kufi.  It could be a rainbow flag or bumper sticker.

While I do not know what it's like to be feared so much or to have so much hate toward another, I do know what it's like to receive mercy and see justice.  May God's love, grace, and mercy be upon the Martin family.  May God's love, grace, and mercy be upon the Alawadi family.  May justice be rightly served on their behalf and most importantly, may their be peace.

Ecosystems

The other day, my good friend Jay & I enjoyed our new favorite show, New Girl, via hulu.  Jay & I have been watching tv together since our undergraduate student teacher days.  Initially, we claimed we were getting together to grade papers, but really I think we just wanted some sanity & adult interaction during a very new and trying part of our lives.  We now live in separate states, so we watch shows online and text each other during an episode, as though we were sitting right next to each other.

Anyway, we watched the latest episode of New Girl, titled "Control."  In this particular episode, Jess (who is a teacher, yay!) tries to loosen up one of her Type-A, OCD-ish roommates, Schmidt.  The other roommates warn her not to because she will ruin the apartment ecosystem, as Schmidt is the one who does all the cooking and cleaning.  Long story short, Jess does loosen Schmidt up, to the point where he abandons all apartment responsibilities and the "ecosystem" is a hot mess.

I was thinking about this concept of ecosystems today as I went for a hike at a nearby nature preserve/trail. It has been unusually hot this March (75 degrees...are you serious???), and nature is rightly responding to the temperatures.  During my walk I saw signs of life all over--small buds on trees, tiny green shoots emerging out of brown grass, enormous squirrels coming out of hibernation.

I also took a minute to stop by the river that goes throughout the trail.  I noticed how everything works together.  The tree roots need the water, the animals need the foliage growing nearby, the water carries necessary items to and fro...and suddenly this song came to mind:

All Things Are Working -- Fred Hammond & RFC

Immediately, I turned to this song on my iPod & began to quietly worship.  Just as God works everything out in nature, surely He always has & will continue to work everything out in my life.  He is the director of my ecosystem, keeping everything in divine order.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28

Johnny, Tell Them What They've Won!

So, I knew there was a reason I chose to put my hair in a low bun this week.  I wanted something that would look great with the new hat I won!!!

B.L.A.C. Detroit Magazine does giveaways every month.  I enter all the time, just for fun, never expecting to win.  Well, they called me a couple of weeks ago, & I won a Stef-N-Ty hat!  I thought they would just send me a hat, but they let me come to their studio loft & pick one out.  The neat thing about this company is that every hat is different--like snowflakes ;-).

I LOVE my hat, especially because it has a pocket on the top.  I also like that it says "Sustainable."  It stands out to me in a spiritual way for some reason...haven't figured it out yet.  Anyway, I REALLY love my hat & am especially thankful to both BLAC & Stef-N-Ty!

4 Hours Later...

ilovemyhair. ilovemyhair. ilovemyhair. ilovemyhair.

This is what you can hear me muttering to myself on days like today when I get frustrated trying to style all this thick, natural hair.  Sure it's a blessing to have healthy hair...but sometimes the amount of work it takes to upkeep it can be exasperating.

I woke up from my Sunday afternoon nap around 4pm.  I wanted to go to night service (started at 6pm), so I thought I had a good 2 hours to co-wash my hair, blow dry it & head to church.  I found this style up on youtube & thought it would be easy & a great protective style.

Well, I forgot how long it takes to blow-dry my hair.  Because it's so thick & curly, I have to do it in small sections & take my time to minimize breakage.  When doing this style, I had to be careful when twisting the front because I have really weak temples.  So I had to take my time to make sure the hair was secure, but that I wasn't pulling too tight.

Four hours later, here's the finished product.  Guess I won't be going to church tonight...

New Year, New Beginnings

My cousin called me a few weeks ago & was like, "I noticed you haven't posted on your blog in awhile...when you gonna write something again?"

Truth be told, November & December of 2011 were pretty much hell on Earth for me.  Each week progressively got worse & worse, pretty much up until New Year's Day.  So, with all the mayhem in my personal life, I haven't had time to post like I wanted to.

Thankfully, all storms come to an end.  I'm still recovering emotionally, spiritually, & mentally from those hectic weeks, but am in a much better place.

So, what a better way to start the year off than with some hairstyles!?!?!?  Here are some photos of recent styles I have rocked.

1. This is a style wear I two-strand twisted my whole head, then rolled up the front twists & made a bun in the back.

 2. This is a twist out after wearing the above style for some time.  I just want to say, I hate twist-outs...they are a last resort for me.  I always get compliments, but I just don't like them.

3. Last week I blowed-dried my hair for the first time in months.  I loved how soft & thick my hair is.  It also allowed me to see some new gray hairs (I blame Nov. & Dec.).  Anyway, I made a bun and then two-strand twisted the front/side & rolled that bad boy up!

Happy New Year, Happy New Beginnings!

Pomp-Pomp-Pomp It Up!

So about a week ago I attended the Kirk Franklin Fearless tour.  It was SO POWERFUL!  The concert started ON TIME (a pet peeve of mine...concerts starting late) and Kirk did a phenomenal job of meshing his old songs with the new.  He had about 4 opening acts, who also respected the time and did great jobs as well.

One of the opening acts was Amber Bullock, winner of this season's Sunday Best.  She's a natural, so I was definitely peeping out her hair during the show.  I loved the pomp in the front, the french roll in the back, & the braids on the sides.

I decided to put my own twist on the style...literally.  I did mostly twists in the back & front of my head, then flat twisted up the sides.  I took the front two-strand twists & made a pompadour, but was quite disappointed with how it seemed to lack volume.

Thankfully, one of the gals from the Naturally Flyy natural hair fashion show I was in, Doyonna, posted a tutorial on how to make a two-strand twist pompadour fuller.  Her suggestion is to use false hair as a filler...it really works!

I found a bag of "afro-kinky" in my closet (one day I need to vent/blog about being a product junkie/hair-monger).  Then I curled the back twists using those tiny, cheap, plastic blue rollers.  Here's the final result!

Pieces of Me

Last nite I went with a couple of friends to see Ledisi in concert.  I absolutely ADORE Ledisi; she's such an amazing singer & performer!  This was the first time I've seen her as a headliner.  Her opening act was Eric Roberson.  I had never heard of him before, but the boy KILT it!  That's right.  I said it.  He. KILT. it.

Anyway, the nice thing about going to a Ledisi concert is that you are sure to see the natural hair community come out and support.  I definitely felt at "home" as I scanned the theatre during intermission & saw locs, twists, twist-outs, knots & 'fros.  I saw a sister a few rows ahead of me sporting a style with her locs & decided to try my own version of it this afternoon.  Here's the results.

So, like the front corner of my head is just individual twists that I rolled up.  The other side is just the beginning of some two strand twists that wrap around my head.

Then I did some horizontal two strand twists in the back.  I can't cornrow, so I can only twist.

I am very pleased with the final product!

It's Meet-Up Time!

Today was another Naturally Flyy Detroit Meet-Up!  Every meet-up feels like Christmas to me; I love the anticipation, surprise, and comfort it brings.

This time, I had the honor of being a model in a mini hair & fashion show.  I have never modeled before, so I was a little nervous.  Since I'm a dancer, I tried to convince myself that it would be like dancing...only slower...yeah...

Anyway, this is what I had on.  I was demonstrating corporate attire.  The outfit included a brown & yellow pencil skirt, brown belt, & brown knee high boots.

As usual, I picked up some great finds.  I purchased two sets of earrings from Shionne Design and some hair jewels from Mo Williams.  I was especially geeked about the earrings b/c I have always wanted peacock earrings AND I now have some Tigers spirit wear the next time my school celebrates the Detroit Tigers!

I don't have much else to say, other than it's always a blessing to be in the company of like-minded people. I just want to share beautiful pix of the event & fantastic, unique styles that stood out to me. Thank God I'm Natural!!! :-)